And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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