Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
