If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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