You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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