having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
