God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up under a house in Key West
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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