also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
