TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
