I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
