Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
