i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
