Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
