Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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