Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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