WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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