The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
