You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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