atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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