At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My bed smells like the plague
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
