My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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