im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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