Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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