She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
