i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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