dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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