Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
