In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
