Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
