So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
