i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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