In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
