she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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