My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
