Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
