I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
