Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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