you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I love you. Go after that dick
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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