K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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