So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
