we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
