ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
