I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
