I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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