omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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