I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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