I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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