she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
