So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You left your phone here
Wait...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
