oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
