May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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