dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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