She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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