meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bet he comes in French.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
