Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
