there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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