There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
