i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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