Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
