I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
