he shaved USA in his pubs
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
