First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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