we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
