Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize