it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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