do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
