So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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