I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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