What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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