wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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