in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
