my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
