I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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