Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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