i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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